OBAMACARES ABOUT THE LSN

President Barack Obama talks on the phone with members of the London Silly Nannies fantasy football league during a phone call from Air Force One, Aug. 7, 2012. The President called the owners to congratulate them on the completion of negotiations. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza) 

President Obama took time today to congratulate some of the owners of the London Silly Nannies (LSN) fantasy football league on coming to an agreement, filling up the league, and ending the leagues very public and grueling lockout. Obama, a big fan of the LSN, has been known to consider the LSN the greatest fantasy league of all time.

While traveling in Ohio, the President placed calls to the five owners of the LSN -- EsteBob, k_brad, mlazar2124, jrv8 and SeanRW, but asked for Alex when SeanRW answered.

The President also had some fun when he spoke with Cronin87.  During that call Obama sternly told Cronin he would send United States' Secret Service after him if he did not repay all the money he had been giving him over the last few years.  After striking fear into the speechless Cronin with “Listen deadbeat, you can’t ski in or ski out of a grave!” he ended the call with “Cronic, you know I’m kidding, stay shreddin.” 

Press Secretary Jay Carney told reporters that he had a chance to watch first hand of the stress the President endured as a result of the lockout.  Carney said the President was “by far more stressed during this lockout than the Bin Laden raid.”

On Saturday afternoon, President Obama and his commanders sat in the “Situation Room,” tensely listening in to a conference call between LSN owners.  While much of the nation’s attention was focused on where they were getting bottle service that night or enjoying a good flick like Ice Age 12 or whatever the random button on youjizz generated, the President was in the White House basement, holding his breath.

A perturbed Obama shouted at the completion of the call, “THAT CREEPER FUCK RAYDEASEL NEEDS TO PUT DOWN THE FUCKIN’ MINECRAFT AND GET BACK IN THE FUCKING LEAGUE! LOCKOUTS DON'T END IN GOD DAMN MINES!  I MEAN SERIOUSLY, WHO EVEN HAS A FUCKING DROID ANYMORE!” 

 

"The days of the lockout passed like years," said John Brennan, an adviser to the President

 

The lockout would most likely still be going on had Obama not weighed in last Wednesday (seen above) with a call to newly appointed LSN Commissioner k_brad and LSN Treasurer and Managing Director of Investment Banking mlazar2124 in regards to the ongoing lockout issues.  The President stressed that the league's owners should be able to come to a resolution without presidential intervention and stated that he would get involved if necessary. Upon completion of that call k_brad was quick to take charge of the league after discovering that “the man” was indeed always watching and that he in fact could not trust anyone. 

The two along with the other phoned owners played key roles in tearing down the lockout.  America and its Commander in Chief, who urges all owners to get their dues in ASAP, look forward to what sure is to be an exciting and prolific LSN season.